So starting TODAY you can find us at: http://icangrowpeopleblog.com

I am still settling in to the new site so things are still changing as I figure out how I want things to be.  Please bare with me and I figure it all out!

Today also marked the first time Porter got to play in the snow.  We have had snow here and there for the last few months, but today Porter was actually well enough to play in it!  Poor kid has had at least one cold a month since we moved here.

What Porter is wearing:

• Still in size 4 diapers (over a year now, I think.)
• Still in size 5 shoes.
• Size 24 months or 2T in shirts.  Size 18-24 months in pants.  Size 24 months in pajamas.
• He wore his first snow suit today!

What Porter is eating:

• You know, we had the picky eating thing under control for a while but now it is back.  Not all of the time–it comes and goes…
• Use to LOVE chicken, now he barely touches it.
• Really loving any meat the is cured or processed unfortunately–bacon, hot dogs, sausage.

What Porter is saying:

• It is hard to keep up with all of Porter’s new words; there are more every day.  When we get him from his crib in the morning, he spouts off words as he points to various items and pictures in his room: toes, book, zip, ‘raffe (that’s giraffe), turtle, eye, Mommy…
• He is using names more.  He knows Mommy and Daddy, of course, but he now knows Ro-see and Kee-ko (Rosie and Neko, our cats) and Law-rah (Miss Laura, his daycare teacher.)  He even said his own name today, but I wasn’t there to hear it.
• Porter has decided that even though he knows how to say grapes, he would rather call them apples.  This is new for us.

What Porter likes these days:

• Blue’s Clues
• Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That
• Shaun the Sheep
• Books and books and books…
• Trains
• Singing
• Babies.  He will see one while we are out or just see a photo of one and suddenly it is “Baby!  Baby!  Baby!”

What Porter doesn’t like these days:

• Not sure I have an answer for this one–which is good!

What Porter is doing:

• He “tickles” us now which is really funny!
• Gives hugs and kisses without being prompted.
• Roars like a lion or tiger.
• Crows like a rooster.
• Actively finds “clues” and “paw-pwint” while watching Blue’s Clues.  He mimics some of Steve’s actions and will identify various things throughout the episode: lamp, chair, butterfly, sun, table, Pepper, etc.

What Porter is NOT doing:

This Tuesday we will be two weeks pacifier free!  He will occasionally ask for it, especially when we are out and he is getting whiny, but we are staying strong!

What we are working on:

• Porter isn’t into using utensils.  I think this is because he sometimes gets easily frustrated.  Anyone got any tips?
• We bought Porter a potty for Christmas.  He knows what it is and will occasionally sit on it while clothed, but other than that–no interest.  I don’t think he is ready yet.

Can’t wait to report back next month!

But I was wrong.

LOTS of women experience the same feelings I felt.  But I was too shy and scared to find myself a local support group.  I went to my doctor, asked my husband for help, started counseling and found a world of PPD survivors here on the web.  Through the internet–here at this blog and through Twitter– I found ladies experiencing the same struggle.  Somehow I found my way to Katherine Stone and Postpartum Progress which I found to be an amazing resource.  Katherine turned her struggle with postpartum OCD into a passion to help other mothers who are struggling.  I find her work really inspiring and I am grateful for the work she has done and is continuing to do.

One of Postpartum Progress’ new features is Daily Hope–a daily e-mail with words of support and inspiration from people who have gone through what you are going through as well as words of wisdom from medical experts.  If you are interested in receiving Daily Hope, you can sign up by clicking right HERE.

If you are or think you are experiencing postpartum depression or just aren’t feeling like “yourself” after the birth of your little one(s), I encourage you to talk to your doctor.  That’s the first step.  It is hard, but it is worth it.  It does get better.

Like lots of people, weight loss and healthier living is one of my resolutions and has been for years.  In year’s past, it was maybe losing ten pounds but since having Porter I of course have more to lose.  I am happy because not only did I lose 15lbs since moving to Pittsburgh, but through some sort of miracle I didn’t gain anything over the holidays!  So this year I have recommitted to losing the rest of the weight I would like to lose: 20lbs before Porter’s second birthday, April 15.  I think that I can do it!

My other resolution isn’t really a resolution at all, but more like a reinvention?  A rebirth?

I want to change careers.

A few days before Christmas, Aaron and I went out to breakfast.  The night before I had just applied for yet another job not in any way related to my ten years of being a scenic artist.  I told Aaron that if I can’t pick up any more steady freelance theatre work than I was going to try my hand at something new.  Why?  Well for starters, we need the money.  The money I make while working freelance is great–when there is work.  When there is no work there is no money, and work has been rather sparse from mid-November until now.  Secondly, I’m just not passionate about my work anymore.  This is probably because I have been working freelance.  I feel best about my work when I am part of something bigger than just painting scenery.  I loved being a staff member at theatres and universities.  I loved working with my colleagues and working with students.  That collaboration fueled my passion for my craft.  In the freelance world, I just come in, paint for a gig, rarely get to know anyone and leave.  I don’t like working that way.  I need some stability.

I’ve had a tremendous ten years in theatre.  I’ve worked with some of the best people in my field.  I have worked for some of the best theatres and universities in America.  I learned a lot about theatre, painting, art, collaboration and hard work.  But I feel there is more for me out there. I want to continue working in the arts, but just not in a production shop.  I’m now over 30–working an 8-12 hour day on my feet, around loud machinery and tools, scaling ladders and scaffolding and though I am very careful, continuing to risk exposure to chemicals and fumes of all kinds (paints and otherwise) is just not something I want to do anymore.   Especially since I still would like to have another child down the road.  I don’t want to go through another pregnancy in a paint shop.  I will never really know if any of that was the reason Porter arrived early, but if I can prevent another preterm birth for my next child then that is what I want to do.

I told all of this to Aaron and he wasn’t the least bit surprised, but completely supportive as usual (I’m a lucky lady!)  I also told him that I really do want to pursue graduate school part-time in the next year or so and he was supportive of that too.

Later that same day, within a matter of an hour or two, two amazing things happened:

1) We got word that would be closing on our house that afternoon.

2) I received an e-mail notifying me that I was selected for a phone interview for the non-theatre job that I had applied to the night before.

To say that I was ecstatic that afternoon would be an understatement.

In the last four months of applying to a variety of jobs with this particular company, I finally got a bite.  Two days later I had my phone interview.  It went well, though I was incredibly nervous (I don’t feel that I am at my best on the phone.)  Then I had to wait until after the new year to find out if I was selected for a face-to-face interview.

And I was!

My interview is tomorrow (Monday) morning.  I am trying not to get too excited about it, but I can’t help it.  This job would be a great step in a new direction for me and it would give me the experience I would like in order to decide if the graduate school path I am thinking about walking down is a good fit.  I know that I may not be offered this position, but I am excited just to have a chance to interview for something outside of my comfort zone.  Either way, it is a good start!

It has been going well, but we have a had some trying times.  Thursday night, Porter started showing symptoms of an oncoming cold.  All he did between 10pm-12am and several times during the wee morning hours was cough.  It was hard not to cave in, just so the kid could get some rest.  But we stayed strong.  Aside from him being harder to put down for a nap (which may be because–dare I say it?–he may be outgrowing naps!?) things are going really well.

However, there are times when he just can’t keep his fingers out of his mouth.  I guess he is trying to fill his need for some sort of oral sensation.  He isn’t sucking his thumb or fingers, instead he just has one, some or practically all of his digits in his mouth.  He pokes at his teeth.  He pulls at his tongue.  I’m not totally sure this is because we have nixed the pacifier, but it certainly seems that way.

The other day I got him up in the morning and he picked up his pacifier, looked at me and said, “No good.”  Even though it gets a little better everyday, he is still a little sad about it.

I am happy to say that we have made it through a haircut without the pacifier.  Porter was good through his cut, but was super whiny while I was getting my hair cut.  Normally, this is where we would have caved in.  But instead, Aaron and I worked hard at trying to keep him occupied instead of just shoving a Soothie at him.  So Aaron and I are making progress too!

So this week his pacifier (which he has been called “za-zoh” for the last few weeks, we don’t know why) will completely disappear from his crib and our house.  Thanks, pacifier.  We’ve had some good times and couldn’t have made it up here to PA from FL without you, but it is time for you to go.  Peace!

“I don’t know,” Aaron said.  ”When he is two or three?”

I think my jaw dropped.

I thought that by age two he would already be too attached; it would be too hard for him to give up.

I wanted to break him from it just after he turned one, but with us picking up and moving our whole lives 1000+ miles I didn’t have the heart to do it.  And I didn’t think any of us would survive three days of driving without it.

Once we moved here, Porter was sick so often that I didn’t dare take one of his few comforts away from him.  But after our new pediatrician told us at P’s 18 month check up that it had to be gone by his next appointment (24 months) I knew we had to take this more seriously.  I think we attempted a nap and a night without the Soothie, but he soon got yet another ear infection, so we let him have it.  And wow, did we ever depend on the pacifier on our most recent road trip to New York.

I came home and realized that I found the pacifier just as comforting as Porter did.  It was my crutch.  Whining in the car? Pacifier.  Yelling in the grocery store?  Pacifier.  It is what I have been using to avoid conflict and toddler meltdowns.

But not anymore.

This week we are changing things.  Aaron used the tiny scissors in his multitool to cut a small slit in the end of Porter’s pacifier.  When you look at the binky, nothing appears different.  When you suck on it, however, it feel different.

Yes, we had to test it out.

Well, Aaron did.

Night #1:  I put Porter in his crib.  As usual, he quickly found his pacifier and stuck it in his mouth.  It only took two sucks for him to notice that something wasn’t as it should be.  He started getting upset.  He started to cry.  He pulled it out, looked at me as I walked across the room to turn out the light and said, “Please?” as he dropped through the bars of his crib.  I picked it up, handed it to him and left the room.

Boy, how he wailed.

Twenty minutes of no holds barred tantrum.  Standing in his crib, reaching for the door.  It was awful to hear and watch on the video monitor.

But after that, he just accepted that it wasn’t working, we weren’t coming to “fix” it and he just hung out talking and singing.  Over all, it took him about an hour and a half to fall asleep versus the 15 to 20 minutes it usually takes.

Night #2:  I put Porter in his crib.  He sucked on his pacifier, realized it still was “broken,” and just took it out and laid it on the mattress.  I turned out the light.  He just played and talked in his crib until he fell asleep.  I think it took him 30-45 minutes to get to Dreamland.

Tonight, Night #3, I won’t be here.  I got a call to do a few hours work on a job and we really need the money, so I won’t be home.  Aaron will have to face Night #3 alone.  He’ll fill me in when I get home tonight.  Hopefully everything goes smoothly!

If you are a parent, have you weaned your kid off of the pacifier yet?  Is your kid a thumb/finger sucker?

Nope.

It’s Blue’s Clues.

Oh as Porter says: Bluths Cluths.

After we reinstated our Netflix account last month (we cancelled in the summer to save money–same reason why we don’t have cable) I found the show on Netflix streaming through our Wii.  I hadn’t ever really watched it since it originally came on the air as I was graduating from high school, but I knew the premise:  A guy (a live action dude who lives in an animated world) and his dog (animated) search for clues to solve a mystery of some sort.  Learning ensues.

I turned it on one afternoon and Porter was hooked.  He started asking to watch it.  Not only that, but he would hand me the Wii remote so I could put it on.

Netflix streaming–I love you and hate you.  Porter seems to know there is an endless supply of children’s programming in that little white box.

But anyway…

Blue’s Clues is about Steve and his dog Blue.  They play a game in which Blue leaves clues around the house about whatever that day’s theme is such as “Where does Blue want to have her snack today?” and “What animal does Blue want to learn about today?”

Fun fact: My husband worked with Steve a couple of years ago.  I never did get a chance to meet him since Aaron and I were working in different states that summer, but he assures me he was a good guy.  And no, he wasn’t doing anything children’s entertainment related if you were wondering.  Steve has range.

We started watching Season 1 episode 1.  Now we are in the middle of Season 3.  I have to say, I don’t mind watching the show.  It is bright, clever, fun, expertly geared for kids ages 2-4 and I find Steve really likable.  This is the first show we have watched with Porter during which Porter will actually participate with the characters.  He will say, “clue!” when he sees a clue.  He will say, “baby!” when he sees Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper’s baby, Paprika.  He will say “think, think, thiiiink” when Steve sings the song about how to play Blue’s Clues.  Porter will mirror some of  Steve’s hand motions during the songs too.  The show doesn’t make him glow like Thomas does, but it actually will make him sit, think and watch.

I like watching this show with Porter.  It is like a game that we all can play together.  And it is perfect for his age right now.

I’m not sure what is going to happen when we get to the episode when Steve leaves the show.  I hear that Steve leaves for college on a hopscotch scholarship and his brother Joe comes to take care of Blue, Tickety Tock, Slippery Soap and the rest of the gang.  Some friends of ours told me while we were in NY that their daughter has a preference and specifically will ask for “Blue’s Clues: Joe.”  I guess we will find out if Porter has a preference when we get through a few more seasons of the show.

Which will probably be in a week and a half.

Oh and the title of this post doesn’t come from Blue’s Clue’s, but from this:

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And that addiction’s name is Thomas.

Thomas the Tank Engine.

AND his little cheeky freight-hauling friends.

They are turning our son into a crazy person!

For Christmas, Santa brought Porter the smallest Thomas train with track he could find/afford.  And Porter received a few other engines (Gordon and Whiff) as Christmas presents from family.  He LOVES that track and those trains.  LOVES THEM.  And if you foolishly think that he will step away from the track to eat or bathe or go to daycare–well then think again.  He definitely isn’t leaving his trains without a fight.

A very loud, tearful fight.

We rearranged Porter’s room yesterday in order to accommodate the new table and chair set he got for Christmas.  On the table we set up his train track and put Thomas out on the rails.  When Aaron brought Porter home from daycare, he brought him into his room so he could see the new layout.  Porter took it all in–and went right for the train set.  When dinner time rolled around, Porter DID NOT want to go into the dining room to eat.

There was screaming and crying and giant tears rolling down his face.  It took awhile for him to calm down enough to eat.  Then after dinner, he went right back to the train.  And before bath time he went right back to crying when he had to leave them.

He woke up this morning, ate breakfast and then went right back to his room–and this time he just sat next to the trains and talked to them.  When it was time to leave for daycare, he again cried when he left his trains.  Upon arriving home, he went straight to them, crying when he left them for dinner.

We have never seen him like something so intensely before, except for maybe us.  To Porter these trains are something magical.  As an adult, I can’t remember loving something so much as a child that I never wanted to leave it.  I guess that part of my childhood is gone.  It is amazing to see him enjoy these toys so much, but it is really weird to see him get SO upset when he has to be away from them.  It is probably something totally normal for someone his age, but it is hard to understand.  We are hoping Porter’s TSA (Thomas Separation Anxiety) gets better with time.

We decided to pack it all away for now.

Our decluttering efforts took us upstairs to our bedroom.  How?  Well, we decided to move the chair and ottoman in Porter’s room (the armchair we bought to nurse him in) to our room simply to free up space for Porter’s new table and chair set from Santa.  I was sitting in the chair we just moved when Aaron asked:

“Are you thinking about having a baby this year?”

I responded, “Wait.  Are you serious?”

I wasn’t trying to be insensitive.  I was just taken aback for a second.

He said, “Well, I read that post on the blog about how things have been evolving through the last few years…” and he goes on to say that maybe I made it sound like we were due to have a baby this year because I didn’t really go into what 2011 would bring.

Aaron thought maybe it meant baby #2.

I told him that, for me, 2011 will probably more about changing my career and possibly graduate school–not another baby.  We’re broke, we are in a house with no room for another person and I just don’t think the time is right for me.

THEN we talked about whether or not another baby was right for us.

That was hard.

Aaron had some good, logical points: Would we want to go through the difficult newborn phase again?  The risk of PPD again?  How would Porter adjust to a sibling?

Yes, the newborn phase is hard.  Yes, I could go through PPD all over again.  And yes, Porter would have to accept a new person in the house.  But it is really important to me that we have another baby.

SOMEDAY.

I just don’t feel that our family is complete yet.  I really want Porter to have a sibling.

SOMEDAY.

And you know, that may not happen for us–and if that is the way it is meant to me, then so be it.  But I would like to try for another baby someday.  Probably not in 2011.

It is funny how the most serious of conversations creep up when you least expect it…

• ‘nack = snack
• hockey
• foo’ bowl = football
• Syracuse (I’m not kidding!)
• Gordon and Percy (Thomas the Tank Engine’s friends)
• whoa!
• nap (he says “nap” when he wants to take a nap or go to bed.)
• me man = snowman (yeah, I don’t get it either…)
• Cat en Hat = Cat in The Hat Knows A Lot About That, the PBS show–which, by the way, he can sing all of the “go go go” parts of the theme song.
• Bert, Er’ee (Ernie), Abby, Ah-er (Oscar) all from Sesame Street
• clue!  from Blue’s Clues
• g’raff = giraffe
• ‘ur’el= turtle
• lion
• ti’er = tiger
• table
• chair
• poop
• sti-er = sticker
• see-e-ul = cereal

And he has come up with some word to refer to his pacifier which neither Aaron nor I can say/spell but it in no way sounds like pacifier, binky, paci, Soothie or any other word we can think of to mean pacifier.

Speaking of which…we are putting a hole in his later in the week in the hopes of breaking his habit.  Wish us luck!

What is really great about Porter right now is that he can talk to us.  He can ask us for things.  He can tell us things.  Sure, sometimes it takes some work on both of our parts to figure out what each other is saying, but it is so rewarding when everything clicks together!